Kings of the Mountain
by Le Penguin
Summary: Yanagi has planned a mountain training camp, and Jackal is not too keen on the training activities. Rikkai antics.


**Notes: **Written for the topcagnotte challenge on LiveJournal.

--

Jackal Kuwahara was a well-behaved, hard-working student. He did his schoolwork, and did it on time; he did his duties for the tennis team, even when Sanada went a bit mad with power. And so, when Sanada announced an upcoming (and mandatory) training camp at practice, Jackal didn't even entertain a thought about skipping out on it--even if it was in winter, even if it would make him have to work even harder to get that English paper in on time, and even if it meant putting his own physical well-being on the line as Marui slowly tapewormed his snack supply dry.

Marui drooled over his shoulder, eyes locked on the muffin in Jackal's hand. "...did you know that muffins give you ninety-nine percent of your daily requirement of deliciousness?"

--well, not _many_ thoughts. Jackal sighed and surrendered the pastry to Marui, who seemed to absorb it via osmosis. He had another one in his bag, anyway--and another shirt for that matter, Jackal added, frowning at the large drool spot blooming on his shoulder.

"We're almost there," called Yanagi from the front of the bus. "Akaya, Masaharu, if you don't stop biting each other, you'll both get time-outs."

"He started it!" came Kirihara's whine. "--ow! Yanagi-sempai, Niou-sempai pinched me!"

Sanada managed to pry his cellphone from the side of his face long enough to bark out a, "Stop it, the both of you!" Niou and Kirihara settled down a bit, but the air of mutiny still hung above them. Sanada grunted and reattached the cellphone to his face to continue his play-by-play description of the ride up to Yukimura.

"The sky is a fantastic blue, though your eyes put it to shame; the wind is a whisperingly cool breeze through the trees, and I can but imagine what it would look like as it weaves through your hair. The mountains are and shall be forevermore a symbol of my devotion to you--strong, unmoving, and everlasting. So, um, can you tell me what you're wearing...?"

"Yanagi-sempai, _he's doing it again!_" Kirihara howled.

"Doing what?" Niou smirked, hovering his hands centimeters away from strictly touching Kirihara. "I'm not touching you."

Kirihara swatted at Niou's hands and snarled. "Stop not touching me!"

"You got it!" Niou said cheerily, dragging the younger boy into a fierce noogie.

It was moments like these that made Jackal miss Yukimura's calming presence all the more. As Marui joined into the noogieing fray, Jackal simply sighed and clicked on his music player. Only a few days. He could handle a few days.

"I fail to see how knitting applies to tennis," Yagyuu said, mildly, gazing with a critical eye at the instruments set before them.

"And _that's_ why you're not captain," Sanada sniffed.

"Neither are you," Kirihara mumbled.

Yanagi luckily caught Sanada by the collar before he was able to complete his lunge at Kirihara. He nudged Sanada toward an armchair, giving him his cellphone to placate him.

"Knitting builds patience and coordination," Yanagi explained while Sanada waxed lyrical at Yukimura in the background. "Both of which are important traits in tennis."

_This is good_, thought Jackal. _This is fine. Grandmother taught me how to knit; I can do this. Finally, a training exercise that doesn't make me a greasy smear on the courts at the end..._

Yanagi tented his fingers and smiled. "Begin."

The atmosphere of the room darkened, and the knitting became fast and furious. Jackal blinked.

"...laser beam..." Yagyuu mumbled under his breath, zooming across rows of stitches in one fell swoop.

"Puriiii," Niou retorted, clacking his needles together speedily to catch up with his partner. He nudged the bespectacled boy discreetly and whispered, "Hey, Hiroshi--swap needles with me. They'll never see it coming!"

Marui snapped a few bubbles in quick succession as he threaded his needles, then tossing them against the wall--somehow, they ricocheted back in such a way that created an impressively complicated stitch. The laws of physics screamed in agony.

"I made a hat!" Kirihara held up a tangled mess of yarn.

Jackal buried his head in his hands. Kirihara frowned and arranged his hat on his head.

"What kind of move is _that_ supposed to be?" the boy muttered.

_It's because we're all just crazy middle-school kids, right?_, Jackal desperately grasped at straws to explain his teammates' strange ability to link everything to tennis. _It's not being caused by some underlying psychological illness, right? Or the drinking water?_

Jackal made a mental note to start bringing his own water to practice, just in case. A low chuckle came from the side of him--Yanagi gazed at the proceedings with half-lidded eyes, and a smirk quirked the edges of his lips.

"That's right," he chuckled, under his breath. "Keep knitting, my friends. Let your data flow into my veins, my mind, my very soul--oh, hello, Jackal. Why aren't you knitting, might I ask?"

"I, erm..." Jackal grasped for words. "...don't know how?"

"If you were but here with us," Sanada sighed tragically into his cellphone. "Alas, alas. Your body is ravaged by the foul invader. If only I had a shrinking machine!--then, oh then, I would defend your honor against the illness on flaming stallion, with my shining blade--"

"No?" asked Yanagi. Jackal could see a frown flitter across his features, but Yanagi schooled it quickly. "That's...unfortunate. May I ask why, then, on the day of December ninth of this past year you were seen wearing knitted gloves and a matching knitted hat? The Asaragi twins from class 2-B complimented you on the craftsmanship, and you thanked them. Am I to believe, then, that you were thanking them for complimenting work that was not your own? Am I to believe, Jackal, that--"

"Six-love!" Marui cheered. He strutted up to Yanagi, showing off an impressive six-piece knitted clothing set: mittens, scarf, pom-pom hat, socks, sweater, and...Jackal cleared his throat and forced himself to look away from the ingenious craftsmanship of Marui's knitted thong. "Game, set, aaaaand match!"

Sanada gazed at Marui's knitted undergarments with a considering look. "...Yukimura, might I ask what size you are? No, no reason really..."

Kirihara set another yarn mess on his head.

"I made my hat a friend!"

Niou poked at Yagyuu's head with his knitting needles, scowling. "I _told_ you we shoulda switched..."

Yanagi forced a smile at Marui. "Game, set, match. Well, so it is. I suppose it's time for a break, then."

He fixed Jackal with a look that seemed to say, "this isn't over." Jackal gulped.

_Well, at least now we might be able to do something marginally related to tennis..._

"...but, don't you think it's odd that Yanagi would have us do _knitting_, of all things?"

A soft humming noise on the other line. "Renji knows what he's doing, even if his methods are unorthodox at times. I suppose it was to build 'patience and coordination'?"

"Well, yeah."

"And, I suspect, an opportunity to gather data to overthrow Mizuki-san as head of their data knitting circle...well. Remember, Jackal, Renji _does_ usually have a method behind his madness."

Jackal sighed. "And if he doesn't?"

Yukimura chuckled sympathetically. "It'll build character, and you might get a scarf or two out of it. Now, I think I'll have to give Genichirou a call...he might be getting frantic after not hearing from me for ten minutes."

Jackal smiled. "Right. Talk to you later, captain."

Sanada burst out of the cabin in full samurai armor, heaving huge breaths. His cellphone beeped out a cheery tune, and he scrambled for it.

"Yukimura! Are you alright! Have you been kidnapped by raging hordes! ...no?" Sanada trudged back into the cabin with his helmet under his arm. "But I hadn't heard from you for ten whole minutes..."

Jackal shook his head and stuffed his cellphone back into his jacket. Marui plopped down next to him and began to softly serenade his hot chocolate.

At a pause in the concert, Marui regarded him with dewy eyes. "Jackal..." he asked, barely above a whisper. "Do you think that the Swiss Miss is real? I'd like to meet her one day."

Jackal considered him for a moment.

"...yes," he replied after a deep soul search. "Yes, I'm sure she is."

Marui smiled beatifically and dreamily snuggled against Jackal's puffy jacket. "I bet she smells like marshmallows and rainbows..."

Jackal blinked and watched a snowflake lazily drift down to land on Marui's pom-pom hat. After another period of soul-searching, he thought it best not to ask.

"Hey, Yagyuu-sempai, Niou-sempai?" Kirihara's voice was heard from nearby. "Is it true that mama bears get psychotic if someone takes away their cubs?"

Dead silence for a moment.

"...why?" asked Yagyuu, slowly.

Kirihara looked down at the baby bear sitting peacefully next to him. "No reason..."

Jackal was curious, however, about the others' opinions on their new training.

"Marui..." he began. "Has Yanagi lost his marbles, or is it just me?"

Marui had resumed his concert, and did not appear to have heard him. Jackal sighed and leaned back against the bench.

"Come what may..." Marui crooned, sweetly. "I will drink you...until my dying...day..."

"I've been replaced by processed drink mix..." Jackal mumbled.

"Growwwlll..." growled mama bear, seizing Kirihara by the collar and tossing him into a nearby snowbank. She sniffed, gathered up her cub by the scruff, and stalked off. The baby bear waved good-bye to the boy with a free paw.

"Education in action!" Niou declared, walking over to pat Kirihara's head.

An air horn pierced the peaceful atmosphere. Jackal winced and covered his ears, looking around to see Yanagi standing at the door to the cabin with a triumphant grin.

"Break's over, team," he called. "Time for the next activity..."

"Radar sees a projectile coming in from the east! Build up defenses from east side and prepare for impact!" called out Niou, wiping sweat from his brow.

"FROOOOOOOOOWWWWRRRR!" shrieked the yeti as its snowball projectile crashed into the group's defenses.

Jackal winced, protecting his teammates as best as possible from the curtain of snow that crashed down upon them with his own body. Marui gasped and clung to Jackal's now-limp form, tears beginning to glitter in his eyes.

"Jackal! Speak to me!" he cried.

_I should have joined Scrabble Club_, Jackal thought to himself as he gasped air into his snow-filled lungs. He decided that even Yukimura would be hard-pressed to link this activity to tennis--or a knitting club revolution, for that matter.

Yanagi blew stream off the top of his hot chocolate as he watched from the sidelines. "Come now; if you can't hit a target the size of Mr. Abominable here, one cannot expect you to be able to hit a tennis ball."

"FROOOOOOOOWWWWWWWRRRRRR!" the yeti growled, leaning down to swipe at the defending group.

The swipe luckily did not cause injury, but unluckily enough, the yeti was able to take a few hostages with it.

"Bunta!" Jackal cried out as Marui was captured.

"My hats!" Kirihara wailed.

"My gum!" wailed Marui. "I swallowed it!"

Jackal grit his teeth and ran through his options. Now that Marui was a hostage, what could he do but...he sighed and rummaged around in his bag for his secret weapon.

"Froowwwwwrrr..." the yeti sniffed at the air.

Jackal waved the muffin around above his head, whistling for the yeti's attention.

"Hey! Here boy! Drop Bunta--"

"And my hats!"

"--and you'll get a treat!"

"Frrooooowwwwrrr!" the yeti purred happily, letting Marui (and the hats) fall several meters down into a snowdrift.

"Thatta boy! Now go fetch!"

Jackal hurled the muffin into the nearby woods, and the yeti lumbered after it with a happy shout.

"My hero..." Marui mumbled, dazed.

Yanagi applauded from the sidelines.

"Good job, everyone. Now, get inside and rest up for tomorrow: you'll be climbing the mountains to challenge the wisdom of the local guru--"

The group promptly raced to the cabin and locked themselves in. Yanagi chuckled and took out his cellphone.

"...Seiichi? I assume Genichirou is on the other line, so I'll keep this short. Wonderful job on the animatronic yeti today; I expected no less from you, naturally. Rest up for tomorrow; seeing that dragon in action will truly be an experience."

END.

OMAKE!

"Hello, children," Yanagi greeted, warmly. "While we had a wonderful time playing in the mountain snow--"

"A _wonderful_ time..." Jackal grumbled.

"--there is something that you really should know."

Jackal nodded. "Never, ever play with bears--"

Yanagi cut him off as he yanked the string on a pull-down poster. He gestured at the words with a pointer as he spoke them.

"Never, ever knit without adult supervision!"

Jackal blinked and shut his mouth, hopelessly confused. Yanagi nodded solemnly.

"Yes, it is wholesome fun. However, terrible things can happen if one isn't careful..."

"Like what?" asked Jackal, baffled.

Yanagi grinned dangerously. "I'm glad you asked."

He marched across to the blackboards, jabbing at the graphic illustrations of knitting injuries as he passed them.

"You could lose an eye! Or perhaps jab yourself with a needle! Or become infected with the Tibetan yarn flu!"

"The what?"

"Or even..." Yanagi paused, an unidentifiable look glinting from beneath his eyelashes. "...become so very, very afflicted with any of the above that you'll simply have to resign from your post as head knitter of your circle."

Jackal began to inch toward the door of the classroom. "Um, sounds awful..."

Yanagi grinned broadly. "Awful indeed. So remember, children--" He scooped up a piece of chalk and scrawled on the board. "Never, ever knit without adult supervision!"

Kirihara tugged at Jackal's sleeve. "Can I go over to Fuzzy's house to play?" he asked, pointing at the door where his bear cub friend sat itching at its ear. "Sanada-sempai was busy having Private Phone Time with Yukimura-sempai, and told me to ask you instead."

"Sure, okay," Jackal said distantly, hustling the both of them away from Yanagi. "Here, I'll escort the two of you..."

Yanagi tossed the piece of chalk over his shoulder and beamed at the camera. "That's all for today, children. Now go and practice your cross-stitches!"


End file.
